I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
