be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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