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Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
