I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You dont lie about slip and slides
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
