nut hugger
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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