I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
