nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
