I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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