So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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