tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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