he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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