I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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