this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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