on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
