Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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