i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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