We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
