life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
