so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Still dying that you shit outside
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't put those talents on a resume
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
