they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
