If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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