Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
