i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
