2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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