So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
