i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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