is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
