i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
