Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
