I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
