He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
