I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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