HIV tests are more positive than that guy
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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