thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
