just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
