she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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