You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
wakey wakey hands off snakey
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
