so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
