btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
