You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
