Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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