Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
