Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
