this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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