You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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