My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
