last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
