so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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