Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
