I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
