im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
