hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
