That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
