upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
