In the future we'll all be gay
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
