So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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