I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
