mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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