I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
