I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
