I got chris browned last night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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