After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
