my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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