Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize