I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
