Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
