I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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