I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
