yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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