hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
