I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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