Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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