I am puke
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize