Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Randomize
