If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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