Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
