Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
