Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
