i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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