He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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