oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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